The Love as Part of Our Lives

VISIONS AND VOICES

November 2009, Article No. 7

Submitted by: Fernan Bautista, Jr.
Love: it is a simple and a very plain word. But if you’ll look beyond this word, what a complex word it will turn into. Just like loving not because of reasons. You do not love someone because of looks, nor for wealth. But you love beyond reasons.

They say, to fall in love is so easy, yet so true. Just like what happened to me. I fell in love with a girl who is continuously killing my heart due to pain. My heart is clustered with wounds. I stayed in love. And this is a challenge for me. I badly have to keep this love silently without letting anybody know how i feel. Yes, I remained silent. More pain hurts my heart.

How could I let her go, if in my self I know, I don’t know why I love her. This is just what I want to say to her, “I can’t say what I feel and I don’t know if my heart would heal. Coz I know right from the start, I never owned your heart. So leave me now before I start to cry. The pain is too much to say goodbye. But remember that for each tear I shed is an I love you left unsaid.” Oh even these lines, I cannot say to her. Letting go is the hardest part for me.

So I let her go. She’s gone. She was never mine nor anybody else’s because she hasn’t yet fallen in love. Would she experience the same pain I felt on loving her? Of course, I wouldn’t hope she would. I still want the best for her after I’ve let go. The best life, even if it includes me or not. That’s the reality of being in love.

Moving on; this is a suicide for me. Just like being a 50:50 comatose patient in a hospital. This is how it feels. I’m comfortably lying but unconsciously bleeding. I’m softly sleeping but silently hurting. I’m continuously breathing yet I’m slowly dying. Ouch, how awful and how sad. How painful and how bad. How lonely and how mad. How helpless and how sad.

I fell in love step by step. They say love is blind. But for me, even the worst in this world can be the best person in your own belief. That’s the pathetic part of being in love. It sees, but it does not mind.